Raptor Jesus

Genesis
In the beginning, Raptor Jesus stood in darkness. He grew tired of the boring lack of light so he opened his mouth and shot a ball of light into the sky, this was the first form of Light. Just having light wasn't enough to relieve the boredom, so he swung his penis, causing a ball of water to be formed in the sky. He had fun swimming in the liquid. Eventually, a great fart was let loose, causing earth to be formed, allowing him to sit outside of the water. He wished to have some food, so he tore a fang out, and buried it. Soon after, many different animals formed from the ground some herbivores others carnivores. He realized the weakness of herbivores, so he shit into the ground, causing the plants to form so that herbivores may grow. He wished for some idle conversation, so he plucked his eyeball out and built a human shape around it, The human was named Steve, and he was handsome. Raptor Jesus grew tired of just having Steve, so he plucked out his other eye and repeated the process, creating a buxom blonde named Shaniqua Laroosa. He continually had sex with the girl, though he made sure not to consieve children. He eventually gave Steve his sloppy seconds, though Steve was cursed with the knowledge that he would never pleasure the blonde like Raptor Jesus.

And that is how Raptor Jesus created the world.